About Sandy Hook...

    I know that I have been off the radar these past several months for many reasons. I finally finished my Bachelors Degree credits so I am now an official college graduate. I also began the arduous task of applying for Graduate School and that process was a lot harder than I had anticipated. There have been some family crisises and illnesses as well as the deaths of two people close to me in the past month which have put a dampen on my spirits as of late. In a way, as November moved into December, I was kind of looking forward to the winter holidays. Not that Christmas has ever been the same since we lost Jenny but everything seemed to settle down around the house and with the family. There was a "Sense of Calm" if you will that truly made me look forward to some alone time with my husband, children, son-in-law, immediate family and friends. And then I went on line around 10:30 am on Friday, December 14th with a cup of hot tea in one hand, munching on a piece of toast, as I do nearly every morning to check my mail. But Friday, December 14th was not a typical day. One report after another, mostly misinformation, about a gunman breaking into a school and at least one entire class of first graders unaccounted for, came over the Net. I turned off the computer. I sat numb in front of a dark computer screen for several minutes before getting up and going into the living room with my 2 year old daughter and my husband, who has been laid off from work. I said nothing. I couldn't, I didn't even want to think about it. The mere idea that an entire classroom of 5-7 year olds could be unaccounted for scared me more than I ever thought I could be scared. My youngest son is 6 years old and in the first grade; the idea that anyone could do such a thing was inconceivable and completely unconscionable! But as the day wore on the nightmare became a reality for twenty-seven families, TWENTY victims were children. I wept and I have cried at least once a day, every day, since. I honestly wish that there was enough money in the Jenny Fund to help every family who lost a child but with 20 families it wouldn't be much; with 27 even less. I honestly feel so lost. I miss my own daughter so much and Jenny was stillborn. How much greater then is the pain of a parent who has held their child everyday for 6-7 years and what of the adults who died, whose parents and spouses now must face a life alone as well. There are no words, only tears and all I can offer is the simple prayer that these families will know peace one day and as long as they never forget their children or their loved ones they will never truly be gone;  a part of those souls will become a part of those who loved them, forever. Rest in Peace.

The following is a list (as released by police) of the victims in Friday's shooting spree on the campus of Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown.


- Charlotte Bacon, 2/22/06, female

- Daniel Barden, 9/25/05, male

- Rachel Davino, 7/17/83, female

- Olivia Engel, 7/18/06, female

- Josephine Gay, 12/11/05, female

- Ana M. Marquez-Greene, 04/04/06, female

- Dylan Hockley, 3/8/06, male

- Dawn Hochsprung, 06/28/65, female

- Madeleine F. Hsu, 7/10/06, female

- Catherine V. Hubbard, 6/08/06, female

- Chase Kowalski, 10/31/05, male

- Jesse Lewis, 6/30/06, male

- James Mattioli , 3/22/06, male

- Grace McDonnell, 12/04/05, female

- Anne Marie Murphy, 07/25/60, female

- Emilie Parker, 5/12/06, female

- Jack Pinto, 5/06/06, male

- Noah Pozner, 11/20/06, male

- Caroline Previdi, 9/07/06, female

- Jessica Rekos, 5/10/06, female

- Avielle Richman, 10/17/06, female

- Lauren Rousseau, 6/1982, female (full date of birth not specified)

- Mary Sherlach, 2/11/56, female

- Victoria Soto, 11/04/85, female

- Benjamin Wheeler, 9/12/06, male

- Allison N. Wyatt, 7/03/06, female

-the 27th victim of this tragedy is its first, Nancy Lanza. At this point, it seems, that she kept any issues she may have had with her son as very personal and private matters. Now the rest of the world may never know what those "issues" were; Ms. Lanza took her private family matters to the grave with her. 

Bowl-A-Thon 2012!

    Well our 2012 Fundraiser will be here before you know it and all though we had to cancel one event due to personal reasons we are still very close to our goal. When Jenny's Dad and I set out on our mission to help other families say 'goodbye' to their angel babies we set a goal for ourselves of five years to raise at least $2,500 to be given out as 5 (five) $500.00 grants to families in need. As we aproach the JMC's third year, and our second fundraiser, I am thrilled to announce that we are more than a third of the way to that goal! I must say that I am surprised but also so very thankful for all your support. See you next week at Thunder Bird Lanes, Holme Ave!

Another year and so much going on...

Well, here we are in 2012 and so much is going on. My older children are doing well with their post-secondary school, I started back to college last week, my youngest daughter will be starting nursery school in the Spring and we're looking into First Grade (Wow!) for my youngest son. Despite all this we are still planning our fundraiser for this coming April, I'm hoping to have all the details hashed out in the next two weeks so everyone has a chance to build a bowling team and join us in the fun. Not a day goes by that I don't think of Jenny, some people find this silly but most of those people don't have children, living or deceased. Recently I learned that a little boy named Tripp Roth passed away in his mother's arms after a long illness. Tripp had a horrific skin condition called epidermolysis bullosa, EB for short. In brief this little boy was missing the genetic code for a protein that binds the skin layers together. I can't imagine the pain he must have endured on a daily basis but through his mother's love and excellent care he lived for 2 years and 8 months. I mention this in my own blog for one basic reason, Tripp's mom is going through the worst hurt the human heart has ever known, the loss of a child. My thoughts and prayers go out to her and all of Tripps family, friends and caregivers.  

National Pregnancy & Infant Loss Day, 15th October 2011

 It's wonderful that there is a national remembrance for all the children who have been lost to miscarriage and still birth. I know that this blog is dedicated to the memory of my middle daughter, Jennifer Marie, but Jenny is not my only Angel Baby. I have experienced many 1st trimester miscarriages and one other 2nd trimester loss. As I find, too often, the loss of a child tends to be trivialized in direct relation to the length of the pregnancy. When a mother losses her baby at 3 years old everyone, even the community mourns the loss and no one says "It was meant to be" or "I'm sure you'll have another". When a mother losses her child at birth her family and close friends and neighbors come to grieve. Sometime there will be a comment or two about how its God's will or  part of God's plan but overall the tone is very understanding towards the mother's grief and pain. But when a mother losses a child that medicine still considers a fetus this somehow means that no baby actually existed. Yes I have four surviving children but they are not my only children. I understand, from a medical stand point, that two of my miscarriages were so early that there was no time to develop a heart or anything else that would resemble a baby. But despite those facts I knew I was pregnant, my doctors knew I was pregnant and those babies were very real no matter anyone else my think, feel or believe. Jenny was my only Angel Baby for whom I had a service. There are many reasons for why I didn't do so for the others and, perhaps I'll go into it at a later time but not now. My husband and I had a memorial service for Jenny at a chapel located at Sunset Memorial Park, where my family is interned, with our close friends and family and our family's minister officiating. We had a few prayers and a couple of readings, we cried together and then released a balloon for Jenny and said good-bye. We are still paying off Jenny's memorial stone and the temporary stone, place by the cemetery, was broken so we have no marker at all. Several times a year Jenny's Dad, siblings and I visit a bear spot of earth next to a tree where Jenny's bench will be once its paid off, which we hope will be soon. All I have of Jenny is one picture, a monthly bill on her memorial stone and my memories.

http://www.october15th.com/

Wow, Pennsylvania passes law allowing Birth certificate for stillborns!

Penn. allows Birth certificates for Stillbirths!

I read this article today and I am thrilled that this law has finally passed. This law would not have effected my husband and I, Jenny became an angel baby at 19 weeks, but this does effect my sister. My sister delivered a beautiful boy, Ryan, 13 years ago, sadly Ryan had passed away in utero the day before. Even sadder still my sister was denied Baptism and a Catholic burial for her son because, according to her Pastor the Rite of Baptism is reserved for children who breathed air after delivery! Since Ryan never 'breathed air' my sister's Pastor refused to acknowledge the emergency Baptism performed at the hospital (a Catholic hospital to note) and since Ryan wasn't really Baptized he was not eligible to receive a Catholic burial or funereal mass. Are you following this logic?. And then to add to her pain and hurt she then found out that the State of Pennsylvania essentially agreed with the Church in that no Birth Certificate would be issued because Ryan died BEFORE he was delivered! Regardless, Ryan WAS alive for almost 9 months in utero!  The State was kind enough to issue a Death Certificate for Ryan, something I'll never have for Jenny because we lost her 2 days before the 20th week (Pennsylvania acknowledges stillbirths as occurring from the 20th week gestation to delivery)! I just love politics, don't you? The point is we must look forward from here, never again will a woman in Pennsylvania have to come home from something as horrible as a still birth with nothing more than a box of Kleenex. Yes, I know nearly all hospitals have special policies and procedures, special services and Memory Boxes to make it "easier". But none of these things confirms that your child did live. For moms this is so important. We carried the baby/babies. We felt the kicks and rolls and pokes in a way only a woman carrying a baby inside her can. In many cases the mother is the first, and sometimes the only, family member to hear the baby's heartbeat. And to then to give her pictures and souvenirs of her baby but never acknowledge the child's existence is cruel indeed. We have very little to remember Jenny by, which is very hard and seems to get harder every day as I fear I am forgetting what few memories I have. We only have one ultrasound, thankfully of her face but that's it. We never got to hold Jenny, we have no pictures at the hospital and nothing from her memorial service. I can't imagine having Jenny twice as long as we did and then be told she was never really alive. This new law is a big step in the right direction in helping families dealing with pregnancy loss/stillbirths; acknowledging that a child DID exist even if the child passed away before delivery. Kudos to the our legislatures for recognizing this important step in the healing process.