This blog was set up for The Jennifer Marie Chamberlin Foundation, a non- profit organization based in Philadelphia. The JMC Foundation seeks to raise funds through charitable donations to help defray the costs of funeral exepenses for infants from the 2nd trimester thru the 1st year. The Foundation's activities as well as the personal experiences of Jenny's parents, family & friends will be posted in hopes that others may benefit from those posts.
Sunday
Is it wrong to miss what I'll never have?
So I'm sitting here at 5 am impatiently waiting to deliver my youngest daughter (and last baby) and for whatever reason all I have been able to do for the last hour is cry. I'm crying because the my prevailing thought for the last hour is that I'll never know how much Jenny would have looked like her siblings or whether or not Morgan will look like her big sister! Maybe it's the pregnancy hormones, but this feeling of missing Jenny is really overwhelming right now. I can't wait to meet our new little Lady. I can't wait to hold Morgan in my arms and fall in love with her tiny fingers & toes. To hold her close and press those new baby memories into my mind to play back when she's all grown up. And I guess as a result I can't help but to go back to being pregnant with Jenny and remember thinking the very same things. I guess a part of me feels guilty about moving on, about surviving. But laying down and dying just doesn't work especially when you have other children and a partner who needs you. Which brings me back to my initial question (there was a question?) With a new baby on the way, three great kids, a wonderful husband and pretty sweet life is it wrong to miss what I will never have, 3 daughters on earth instead of 2?
Wednesday
At last, the first post!
Nearly a year after setting up this blog I have finally sat down to write and bring it to life. First off I must apologize for the delay. Dealing with Jenny's loss has been difficult to say the least. Life goes on and with three living children, and one on the way, getting swept up in everyday needs is all too easy. Of course having to sit down and write about my loss is very hard to do and, just like ripping off a band-aid, it hurts but has to be done. So here I am two years after Jenny left us trying to find the right words or at least words to write.
In that time we have had a lot of ups and downs. Not a day goes by that I don't think of Jenny and I still have my moments where crying is all that I can do. I must say that I am amazed how empathetic many people are when I mention my daughter. It's not to say that I run around talking about Jenny on a daily basis or even find ways to work Jenny into conversation. It's just that sometimes people ask about my children and I tell them quite honestly that I have 4 and one on the way. If they ask for ages well then I explain that 3 are surviving and that we lost one. I know that the mention of an infant/neonatal loss makes most people squirm so I try not to mention it. However, when I do, I try to speak of Jenny with as much tact as possible.
Of course not everyone is empathetic or even tactful. I had one women recently ask about my children only to have her tell me that "the dead ones don't matter" and that "it's too depressing". Fortunately for that woman she's friends with close friends of my husband and I. And we both happened to be at party in honor of those mutual friends. Still and all my first instinct was to unleash a little Irish Diplomacy and then leave the party. I however took a deep breath and responded quite calmly that even though my daughter is dead she does matter and I will continue to count her because she is, and always will be, my daughter. Several minutes later the woman came back to apologize. However her reason for apologizing was interesting. She wanted to apologize because she just realized that "it happened recently". I assume that "it" meant my daughter's passing so I said "Yes, we lost her just 2 years ago last month" and she apologized again. Needless to say we didn't come near each other the rest of the night. One heinous incident in two years isn't to bad.
Anywho, our first fundraiser was a bit hectic but still successful. The Once Upon A Time Players, directed by Brendan Stackhouse, performed Seussical the Musical at the Cottage Green in Northeast Philadelphia while the audience enjoyed a delicious Breakfast Buffet! We had a great time and despite the low turn out we still did very well in donations. Hopefully we will have pictures posted from that event soon. At present we are getting ready for our second fundraiser. We are planning a Bowl-a-Thon in early November so please stay posted we should have all the details by the end of August!
Until next time :D
In that time we have had a lot of ups and downs. Not a day goes by that I don't think of Jenny and I still have my moments where crying is all that I can do. I must say that I am amazed how empathetic many people are when I mention my daughter. It's not to say that I run around talking about Jenny on a daily basis or even find ways to work Jenny into conversation. It's just that sometimes people ask about my children and I tell them quite honestly that I have 4 and one on the way. If they ask for ages well then I explain that 3 are surviving and that we lost one. I know that the mention of an infant/neonatal loss makes most people squirm so I try not to mention it. However, when I do, I try to speak of Jenny with as much tact as possible.
Of course not everyone is empathetic or even tactful. I had one women recently ask about my children only to have her tell me that "the dead ones don't matter" and that "it's too depressing". Fortunately for that woman she's friends with close friends of my husband and I. And we both happened to be at party in honor of those mutual friends. Still and all my first instinct was to unleash a little Irish Diplomacy and then leave the party. I however took a deep breath and responded quite calmly that even though my daughter is dead she does matter and I will continue to count her because she is, and always will be, my daughter. Several minutes later the woman came back to apologize. However her reason for apologizing was interesting. She wanted to apologize because she just realized that "it happened recently". I assume that "it" meant my daughter's passing so I said "Yes, we lost her just 2 years ago last month" and she apologized again. Needless to say we didn't come near each other the rest of the night. One heinous incident in two years isn't to bad.
Anywho, our first fundraiser was a bit hectic but still successful. The Once Upon A Time Players, directed by Brendan Stackhouse, performed Seussical the Musical at the Cottage Green in Northeast Philadelphia while the audience enjoyed a delicious Breakfast Buffet! We had a great time and despite the low turn out we still did very well in donations. Hopefully we will have pictures posted from that event soon. At present we are getting ready for our second fundraiser. We are planning a Bowl-a-Thon in early November so please stay posted we should have all the details by the end of August!
Until next time :D
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