National Pregnancy & Infant Loss Day, 15th October 2011

 It's wonderful that there is a national remembrance for all the children who have been lost to miscarriage and still birth. I know that this blog is dedicated to the memory of my middle daughter, Jennifer Marie, but Jenny is not my only Angel Baby. I have experienced many 1st trimester miscarriages and one other 2nd trimester loss. As I find, too often, the loss of a child tends to be trivialized in direct relation to the length of the pregnancy. When a mother losses her baby at 3 years old everyone, even the community mourns the loss and no one says "It was meant to be" or "I'm sure you'll have another". When a mother losses her child at birth her family and close friends and neighbors come to grieve. Sometime there will be a comment or two about how its God's will or  part of God's plan but overall the tone is very understanding towards the mother's grief and pain. But when a mother losses a child that medicine still considers a fetus this somehow means that no baby actually existed. Yes I have four surviving children but they are not my only children. I understand, from a medical stand point, that two of my miscarriages were so early that there was no time to develop a heart or anything else that would resemble a baby. But despite those facts I knew I was pregnant, my doctors knew I was pregnant and those babies were very real no matter anyone else my think, feel or believe. Jenny was my only Angel Baby for whom I had a service. There are many reasons for why I didn't do so for the others and, perhaps I'll go into it at a later time but not now. My husband and I had a memorial service for Jenny at a chapel located at Sunset Memorial Park, where my family is interned, with our close friends and family and our family's minister officiating. We had a few prayers and a couple of readings, we cried together and then released a balloon for Jenny and said good-bye. We are still paying off Jenny's memorial stone and the temporary stone, place by the cemetery, was broken so we have no marker at all. Several times a year Jenny's Dad, siblings and I visit a bear spot of earth next to a tree where Jenny's bench will be once its paid off, which we hope will be soon. All I have of Jenny is one picture, a monthly bill on her memorial stone and my memories.

http://www.october15th.com/

Wow, Pennsylvania passes law allowing Birth certificate for stillborns!

Penn. allows Birth certificates for Stillbirths!

I read this article today and I am thrilled that this law has finally passed. This law would not have effected my husband and I, Jenny became an angel baby at 19 weeks, but this does effect my sister. My sister delivered a beautiful boy, Ryan, 13 years ago, sadly Ryan had passed away in utero the day before. Even sadder still my sister was denied Baptism and a Catholic burial for her son because, according to her Pastor the Rite of Baptism is reserved for children who breathed air after delivery! Since Ryan never 'breathed air' my sister's Pastor refused to acknowledge the emergency Baptism performed at the hospital (a Catholic hospital to note) and since Ryan wasn't really Baptized he was not eligible to receive a Catholic burial or funereal mass. Are you following this logic?. And then to add to her pain and hurt she then found out that the State of Pennsylvania essentially agreed with the Church in that no Birth Certificate would be issued because Ryan died BEFORE he was delivered! Regardless, Ryan WAS alive for almost 9 months in utero!  The State was kind enough to issue a Death Certificate for Ryan, something I'll never have for Jenny because we lost her 2 days before the 20th week (Pennsylvania acknowledges stillbirths as occurring from the 20th week gestation to delivery)! I just love politics, don't you? The point is we must look forward from here, never again will a woman in Pennsylvania have to come home from something as horrible as a still birth with nothing more than a box of Kleenex. Yes, I know nearly all hospitals have special policies and procedures, special services and Memory Boxes to make it "easier". But none of these things confirms that your child did live. For moms this is so important. We carried the baby/babies. We felt the kicks and rolls and pokes in a way only a woman carrying a baby inside her can. In many cases the mother is the first, and sometimes the only, family member to hear the baby's heartbeat. And to then to give her pictures and souvenirs of her baby but never acknowledge the child's existence is cruel indeed. We have very little to remember Jenny by, which is very hard and seems to get harder every day as I fear I am forgetting what few memories I have. We only have one ultrasound, thankfully of her face but that's it. We never got to hold Jenny, we have no pictures at the hospital and nothing from her memorial service. I can't imagine having Jenny twice as long as we did and then be told she was never really alive. This new law is a big step in the right direction in helping families dealing with pregnancy loss/stillbirths; acknowledging that a child DID exist even if the child passed away before delivery. Kudos to the our legislatures for recognizing this important step in the healing process.

May 24th and another day

Well, yesterday came and went and was rather uneventful. Other than a moth fluttering around my living room, an ancient symbol of a disembodied soul, the day was like any other. Chris and I will be going to the cemetery on Friday afternoon simply because trying to get to the cemetery mid-week is crazy at best. Hopefully we will have Jenny's memorial stone in place soon and the visits will have a slightly more tangible meaning. I think loosing Jenny was hardest because of the medical reason as to why we lost her; her placenta failed, plain and simple. But in that simple statement lies the most pain. The placenta is the lifeline for the growing baby. The expectation is that the placenta will do its job while mom does her best to eat right, take her vitamins, stay away from toxic stuff like paint fumes and cigarette smoke. Basically be healthy and the baby will grow. But in Jenny's case the one most fundamental element after conception was the problem. And worse, we didn't even know anything was seriously wrong; we knew she was small but we just assumed that our dates were off. So much for assumptions! We had a couple more very early losses (4 & 6 weeks) after Jenny and so, with Morgan, we became hyper vigilant and cautious. It was a lot of work and a lot of stress and a LOT of Doctor appointments and in the end we have a beautiful little girl. As I've said before having Morgan makes me miss Jenny; I really wonder if they would have resembled one another. Odd thoughts but that's the way it is sometimes.

Three years and the new fundraiser date

I can hardly believe that Jenny's 3rd anniversary is almost here. We are still trying to get the word out about the JMC Foundation, which has not been easy. Partly that is due to the economy but in large part it's my fault. Plain and simple, depression is a spoiled little brat! Depression eats up a lot of my time and energy when in reality it should get neither. It's not that I go out of my way to feed into my depression, I do my best every day to live my life and to be there for my children and husband. And in that lies the problem; I get so busy 'being there' for everybody else that I haven't taken a lot of time for my self. I believe in pressing on and that is what I am doing, everyday. Which brings me to the next point of this blog, the next fundraiser! I have found out that Easter 2012 will come on April 8th and Mother's Day 2012 will come on May 13th so the fundraiser will fall somewhere between the two dates (perhaps April 14th or 28th, 2012?). Anywho, the 2012 Fundraiser will be a Bowl-A-Thon and we are hoping to host it at The Thunderbird Lanes in Northeast Philly. I will be posting the specifics soon but in general we are looking for folks to form teams and acquire sponsors. Of course there will food, prizes and lots of fun for the whole family!

April Showers & Wedding Bells!

This past Saturday we celebrated the marriage of my oldest daughter to a wonderful young man! A little rain in the morning but all around a wonderful day. I am so happy for my oldest and her husband (still sounds weird) but ever since the week before the wedding I've been a little sad. The reason, I miss Jenny. I wished she could have been there to see her big sister get married plain and simple. I'm sure that this sounds crazy to some folks, after all I never "had" Jenny, I know that all too well. We lost Jenny before we really got to know her and now having another little girl in the house has made it even harder. I look at my youngest daughter and I can't help but to wonder if Jenny would've looked like her. So silly I know, anywho I did not start blogging to dwell. This little post is being put out there to let everyone know that since the wedding is over and the new baby isn't so new anymore the Jenny Fund will be back in full swing by late Fall 2011/ Winter 2012 .