I know that I have been off the radar these past several months for many reasons. I finally finished my Bachelors Degree credits so I am now an official college graduate. I also began the arduous task of applying for Graduate School and that process was a lot harder than I had anticipated. There have been some family crisises and illnesses as well as the deaths of two people close to me in the past month which have put a dampen on my spirits as of late. In a way, as November moved into December, I was kind of looking forward to the winter holidays. Not that Christmas has ever been the same since we lost Jenny but everything seemed to settle down around the house and with the family. There was a "Sense of Calm" if you will that truly made me look forward to some alone time with my husband, children, son-in-law, immediate family and friends. And then I went on line around 10:30 am on Friday, December 14th with a cup of hot tea in one hand, munching on a piece of toast, as I do nearly every morning to check my mail. But Friday, December 14th was not a typical day. One report after another, mostly misinformation, about a gunman breaking into a school and at least one entire class of first graders unaccounted for, came over the Net. I turned off the computer. I sat numb in front of a dark computer screen for several minutes before getting up and going into the living room with my 2 year old daughter and my husband, who has been laid off from work. I said nothing. I couldn't, I didn't even want to think about it. The mere idea that an entire classroom of 5-7 year olds could be unaccounted for scared me more than I ever thought I could be scared. My youngest son is 6 years old and in the first grade; the idea that anyone could do such a thing was inconceivable and completely unconscionable! But as the day wore on the nightmare became a reality for twenty-seven families, TWENTY victims were children. I wept and I have cried at least once a day, every day, since. I honestly wish that there was enough money in the Jenny Fund to help every family who lost a child but with 20 families it wouldn't be much; with 27 even less. I honestly feel so lost. I miss my own daughter so much and Jenny was stillborn. How much greater then is the pain of a parent who has held their child everyday for 6-7 years and what of the adults who died, whose parents and spouses now must face a life alone as well. There are no words, only tears and all I can offer is the simple prayer that these families will know peace one day and as long as they never forget their children or their loved ones they will never truly be gone; a part of those souls will become a part of those who loved them, forever. Rest in Peace.
The following is a list (as released by police) of the victims in Friday's shooting spree on the campus of Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown.
- Charlotte Bacon, 2/22/06, female
- Daniel Barden, 9/25/05, male
- Rachel Davino, 7/17/83, female
- Olivia Engel, 7/18/06, female
- Josephine Gay, 12/11/05, female
- Ana M. Marquez-Greene, 04/04/06, female
- Dylan Hockley, 3/8/06, male
- Dawn Hochsprung, 06/28/65, female
- Madeleine F. Hsu, 7/10/06, female
- Catherine V. Hubbard, 6/08/06, female
- Chase Kowalski, 10/31/05, male
- Jesse Lewis, 6/30/06, male
- James Mattioli , 3/22/06, male
- Grace McDonnell, 12/04/05, female
- Anne Marie Murphy, 07/25/60, female
- Emilie Parker, 5/12/06, female
- Jack Pinto, 5/06/06, male
- Noah Pozner, 11/20/06, male
- Caroline Previdi, 9/07/06, female
- Jessica Rekos, 5/10/06, female
- Avielle Richman, 10/17/06, female
- Lauren Rousseau, 6/1982, female (full date of birth not specified)
- Mary Sherlach, 2/11/56, female
- Victoria Soto, 11/04/85, female
- Benjamin Wheeler, 9/12/06, male
- Allison N. Wyatt, 7/03/06, female
-the 27th victim of this tragedy is its first, Nancy Lanza. At this point, it seems, that she kept any issues she may have had with her son as very personal and private matters. Now the rest of the world may never know what those "issues" were; Ms. Lanza took her private family matters to the grave with her.